Day 74: Nothing remarkable
Another day and another coin in the meter, marking time. Parked for a while during another day of distractions for the sole purpose of, well, distracting. Side effects taking over for main effects: the kind written in small print and to be ignored until they take hold. Distractions set up as errands so one more event can be put on the calendar.
The nights remain listless memories. Flashbacks with your name conjured frequently in all its forms. The days provide some relief with work taking form. Eventually. It seems like a lifetime since that last night with you at the KT Granite Bar. A night I cherish for your strength and charm. Ease in putting it right. Such a small memory from 28 years of being in our life and the impossibility of rolling on like you did so naturally.
My writing is becoming more difficult. At least in the morning. Perhaps this incessant dwelling is more harm than help. But then, where would you be? Perhaps bring you into our day more gently as it plays out. Perhaps write at day’s end like Beanz. Reflect in your presence during the day. Not anticipate your absence, but celebrate your presence. As my dear friend Ed wrote in an email: “Yes, another day, another beginning. As KT reminds us, make the best of it. ‘Why not just smile, it’s the best part of the day.’ It’s raining on the McKenzie.”
So, I’ll try it. Roll with the day and bring you along, not in anticipation. Embrace the distractions. Keep the coins in the meter. Savor small slices and appreciate them as all that is there. Smile as you would no doubt. And hope for nothing remarkable. No ordinary instant. Just roll as you would.
Buddy: Please stay with us.