Day 90: A sense of endings
Today is Mads’ birthday though we celebrated it yesterday. I know this would have been an important celebration for you, given your many years together. We tried as hard as we could to be happy knowing you couldn’t be with us. It’s these kind of events that deepen the realization of your being gone. Forever. Only in memory but good ones at that. The least comfort we can get as we mechanically move forward each day. One day at a time. One moment at a time. Trying to put purpose back in life while maintaining function. Trying so hard to be back in the game.
Writing every day has been difficult and I have a sense of endings. Plural because it will return and end again. Much like your life. Though ended with us, it will continue. And end again. This is the way with grief. It’s non-linear. All the pairs of words from previous letters but mostly foran-tilbake. So the ending will come due time. But not until I can celebrate what you meant to us. Forever instilled in our lives. Guiding us in your gentle way. The reason we celebrate your life every day.
We love you buddy. Your mom and I will take care of Mads and Beanz. They miss you so much and would be first in line to give you a hug. A big bear hug like you gave us. Every time we gathered our family.
By the way: Don’t worry about Murph. He’s still a ding bat and is waiting for you every time the door opens. We haven’t the heart to tell him.